Tuesday, September 23, 2014

game over

 Photo: In PA on the way to VICTORY!!! :)
Well hello, hello!
My, my, MY has it been a long time. Over three years in fact. And a million different hairstyles!  I honestly couldn't even remember how to sign in and actually write this post! Before you all get too excited that I'm BACK for good, I'll preface this by saying I simply thought a small (TINY!) update was due.

I still get the occasional comment on old posts (omg, I still can't believe people google search and make their way to this tiny little blog of mine) and it kind of lit a fire in me, that maybe I should at least have a better closure post than my previous "no subject" one. I kind of left things hanging there, huh?

I am still an avid blog reader, but there are not a lot of bloggers still blogging from around the time I was active in this world. Sometimes there's a good closure post - other times they simply fade off and we're left to think, "hey, I wonder whatever happened to so and so" and that inspired me to write this small recap.

Anyways, I didn't stop blogging because of anything in particular. One day I just decided, you know what? I've told my story. I've got nothing left to say on the subject. And it's true. This blog started to recap the newlywed years of a gamer and his wife. And I did just that. And I'm proud of all that I captured. But at some point we weren't newlyweds anymore, and I even stopped defining the gamer as "THE GAMER" and slowly stopped feeling like "THE GAMER'S WIFE" Ha. Who would have thought that would ever happen?

When I left you in 2011 the gamer had finished his first year in PT school. He had slowly stopped playing games as much because...well..he was busy with real life and school. A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN!

-I quit my job working in athletics. One day I decided working for the NCAA just wasn't where I needed to be. I applied for another job at another university doing something similar but for ALL students (not just student-athletes) and they liked me so much they hired me to be the director of the program INSTEAD. I couldn't believe my luck! That job was so incredibly tough. I had my own staff and a billion responsibilities, and I lasted two years before I said goodbye to that one too!

-The gamer finished school and became a legit Physical Therapist! I couldn't be prouder! He decided to become a traveling PT (which also influenced by decision to leave that newer job) and we traveled around together for about 6 months before he settled in a position that he loves and has now since become a PT resident. I KNOW. The guy I couldn't get away from a computer just 5 years ago, decided that a doctorate degree is simply not enough and NOW needs a specialty too? It's a several year process too that is on TOP of his full time job. I simply can't believe his ambition.

-We've traveled A LOT. We've taken so many vacations I can't even count and been to so many amazing places including Scotland, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, the Bahamas, Key West, Disney World (I ran the Princess Half Marathon!), Virgin Islands, the Pacific Northwest (Oregon and Washington), Canada, New York, Pennsylvania, Georgia, South Carolina, Baltimore, Delaware and Las Vegas. Scotland was by far the best. We went there to celebrate the gamer's graduation!

-We've taken on so many new hobbies. I'm a runner and a cyclist now! We also hike and kayak often. We've gone spelunking and ziplining and snorkeling and white water rafting. We just love being outside!

-The gamer still plays but not nearly like he used to! There aren't any MMORPGs happening, and he's pretty much content playing on his Vita if he's got the time. It's certainly not a major part of his life, but I'd say that's mostly from growing up and having too many responsibilities with work, and not really from any of my influence!

-The gamer and I separated. SAY WHAT??? Ok, sorry I shouldn't joke about it. We're still married. We just live in separate places because we both took jobs that are in different cities. My DREAM JOB literally came available at the same moment that he took his dream job (and committed to the residency). Problem is they are an hour and a half apart. And neither of us wanted to commute (or even do halfway). So we decided to get two homes, and we see each other on the weekends. It's insane, but I swear our marriage is even more fun and engaging because of how much we try to cram in when we do see each other. We end up doing things during the week that the other might not be as interested in (me = long runs, binge TV watching. the gamer = games and patient notes). When the weekend rolls around we're so excited to see each other and do things that we hardly ever fight! Plus, I get 4 glorious nights to sleep without waking up every hour to a snorer. Honestly BEST PART EVER.

So yeah, that's a snapshot of who we are now and where we've been. Philosophically we are VERY different people from 3 years ago with very different views on life, our paths, our careers and our interests. And I love how much we've changed and grown together!

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again. You might not be totally on board with your significant other's interests. And you don't have to be. But you have to respect their loves. And if you can do that, and have mutual respect for each other and how you spend your free time - then you're golden. If not, something needs to change. I'm glad I had several years to learn and grow with the gamer as reflected on this site and I'm glad I learned to love HIM and his interest in gaming BEFORE he cut back and not after.

I hope you find the archives of this site useful, if not for anything but to laugh. I doubt I'll offer up anymore advice regarding the subject moving forward. I'm no expert anymore!

Thanks for your interest, and as always - send me an email or comment if you have any questions! :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

(no subject)

In case you haven't noticed I am taking an indefinite break from blogging.

I've been staring at the cursor blinking for way too long in an attempt to explain more than that, but that's all I can come up with to say for now, and I'm sorry.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

a note from the gamer himself!

Yeah, yeah. I need to get back on here. I've got lots of photos to post from December and Christmas, and my thoughts on how it is now that the gamer is in clinicals and all and I am suddenly living the SINGLE LIFE all alone in our house while he's away, but I'll get to that later.

Because today I am going to address something that I receive the most emails and comments on and it all relates to this question:

what do you do if your husband isn't like your gamer? what if he plays games all the time and doesn't pay attention to me/our kids/our family?

And I'm about to be brutally honest. GET RID OF HIM.

At some point gaming can become an addiction. Gaming for ten hours a day in unacceptable, but can be forgivable in certain circumstances. But gaming that gets in the way of your personal and family responsibilities is just wrong.

Gaming should never prevent someone from being a contributing member to society. Gaming shouldn't prevent you from going to work on a daily basis. Gaming shouldn't prevent you from spending time with your family. Gaming should NEVER get in the way of you leading a normal life. A normal life with jobs, chores, responsibilities, and family time.

And if gaming has gotten in the way of all that, and despite discussions to change the behavior, if the gamer continues to lead this lifestyle, not try to receive help for this type of addiction - then get rid of him.

I'm sorry if that is too honest. I'm sorry if that hurts other gamer's wives out there who have become gamer widows since their husbands play too much. But it is honestly what I believe. You all know my background - you know that I am certified counselor and have my Master's degree in counseling and development. I am ALL for working things out - discussing - making things work - changing behaviors. But if none of that has helped, and you've even tried counseling, and still the gamer is unwilling to change then I am ALL FOR you helping yourself AND your family in this situation and simply get out of it.

I received the following anonymous comment the other day, and this is why I am all fired up about this topic:

"Happy to hear your husbands are not gaming 24/7 like mine does when home from camp. We have talked many times about it but never any change maybe for a day or two but then he's back at it. I feel I have raised our kids on my own and did not choose to marry a gamer. He got into it 10 yrs after us being together and I have now been pretty much alone for the last 10 yrs. He works and games and that's about it but I'm happy to hear that all gamers are not like that. Just found out that not only does gaming take all his time but also alot of our $ he has a paypal account and has to pay for characters, game time... Made a $300.00 purchase for something on his game just a couple weeks ago while we have outstanding bills. Just wonder if you would still be supportive if this is what was happening with your husband?"

This is the situation I am talking about when I say to leave. A situation that has been going on for years - a situation that is hurting the gamer, the gamer's wife and the gamer's family. I was so upset by hearing yet another situation where games were ruining a family that I did something I have never done before. I asked the gamer himself to respond and this is what he said:

"I wouldn't expect you to be supportive. Especially if he started gaming after they got married. There's absolutely no reason why she should have to raise their family on her own, and the fact that he's buying stuff for games when they have outstanding bills. I mean yeah, we buy games and stuff and we have debt, but it's not like we're really struggling just to put food on the table, and I'm buying an xbox instead or something. One person shouldn't be allowed to do what makes them happy all the time, if it means that the other doesn't really ever get to do what makes them happy because they're taking care of the kids and working around the house, etc. When a gamer stops contributing to a family that's when there's a real problem."

Yes, the gamer is pretty brief, but I think his point is clear - At some point you have to stop being supportive of a gamer's addiction if it is risking the happiness of the family.

I'm sorry for being harsh. But it's important to note that having a gamer husband isn't all butterflies and rainbows. My blog is designed to show that side - the light and funny side of having a husband who games. But my husband has NEVER NEGLECTED me, and I am absolutely certain when we have children one day that he would NEVER NEGLECT them to play games. And he knows for a fact that if he did I'd kick his ass out the door.

This post was a quick, unedited response to something that bothered me in the moment. It is not intended to be used as professional counseling advice, and it is important to note that every family situation is different and needs to be attended to uniquely. If you feel like you are in tough situation at home and have not been successful at negotiating on your own, please seek help from a professional counselor in your community!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

merry christmas!

Merry Christmas from the gamer and his wife! :)

Ohhh yes, those are tacky Christmas sweaters! With snowflakes, cats in stockings, and even little fishes! We totally rocked that party :-P

Hope you are enjoying your holiday!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

36% of my life

Today is mine and the gamer's nine year anniversary. Nine years! Nine years! It's unbelievable to me that we have spent this long together. In fact, I have now been with the gamer for over one third of my life...thirty-six percent, exactly!

Since we have been married the gamer and I have continued to celebrate our dating anniversary...Others might think it is silly, but we like to remember this day because it is important in our history as a couple. Although we've significantly toned down our celebrating - no gifts or surprises - we still like to have a special day right before the holidays where we remember us.

Yep, that us.

We went out the other night to celebrate our anniversary and the fact that the gamer finished his first year in PT school! I didn't mind sharing the celebration because it meant we had a really special (and expensive!) dinner and I am so proud that my husband has survived his first year! And that I have a survived my first year as a med school wife! It's hard stuff.

On our anniversary tomorrow we are actually breaking from tradition a little bit and spending it with another couple - my brother and his girlfriend. And we are going...SNOWTUBING!

I have never been before, but I'm sure it will bring out the best in my personality - klutziness and crankiness. Haha :)

And even though he never, ever reads my blog (shocking, I know!)...Happy Anniversary Chris - KISSES!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

a blizzard and a win

When we bought our playoff football tickets for December 4th I figured it was going to be a cold game. But I was excited to cheer on App for a third time this season, and I'd lived in Boone for a few years and dealt with cold games, so I figured we'd be fine going to a December game.



The first day I could see the 10 day forecast and see Saturday it said it was going to be cold. A few days later it looked like it was going to be bitter cold. And then with the game just a few days away they started talking about snow.

But it was forecasted for later in the afternoon, and with our game starting at 12 I figured we'd probably miss most of it. The day before the game it looked like it was going to be a freezing game, and it said it was going to definitely snow, but I didn't really look into it. Big mistake. I should have read the snow reports. I SHOULD HAVE READ THE SNOW REPORTS.

Because it snowed. And it snowed good. There were several inches already on the ground when we arrived in Boone and the snow never let up. In fact, it snowed for five days straight. What's crazier is that it snowed back home a few hours to the east where A) it never snows, B) when it does snow it never happens this early and C) it never snows without a whole bunch of hype before it happens! So I guess maybe the whole state was just as surprised with this snow storm as I was.

So naturally we were unprepared for the winter weather. Not only did we not have boots on but the gamer didn't even have on a water repellent COAT! For all the snow gear we accumulated living in the mountains you would think we would have been prepared for a snowy football game, but we absolutely were not!

Upon arrival, this is the parking lot...covered in snow. Yeah, not cool.

Before the game started we said hello to the gamer's old apartment.

And then trudged our way to the stadium..




And then stood in the blizzard waiting for the game to start!

I was SHOCKED when we walked into the stadium and I saw snow on the field. I mean, I know I should have expected it but in all my time going to Boone games I have never seen a snowy field!

It was unbelievably cold, and I just couldn't believe the guys were about to play a game!

My sneakers were definitely not happy standing in the snow..

We saw a lot of dropped passes during the pre-game warm up. Things didn't look good..

And during the game it didn't help that the snow would be so heavy you could hardly see!

I mean, look at that snow! It was crazy!

I was wearing tights under my jeans, a hoodie, snow coat, toboggan, mittens, and scarf and was still freezing. I don't know how I ever survived living in Boone in the winters, because I am a big baby about being cold now!

Halfway through the game I relented and bought extra socks - BEST TEN DOLLARS I EVER SPENT! - and put those on along with toe warmers in my wet shoes, and hand warmers for my mittens. I was pretty good for a little while at least!

And then they had to come out and PLOW THE FIELD.

Yes, freaking snow plows had to come out and remove snow off the field.

I knew then that my time at the game was done. I had shown my dedication. I was frozen. We were winning by a LOT (thank goodness!) and it was time to leave!

And then it took us over an hour to get down the mountain because it looked like this:

Scary! No visibility at all and no median made it for a very anxious drive down. But once we were down I was shocked to see that the snow had continued...and continued all the way until we got home several hours later.

But it sure made for a pretty backyard view! I have a slight cold now which I blame on being out in the blizzard, but YAY for App making it to the next round in the playoffs! :)


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

december fourteenth

On December 14th nine years ago, the gamer and I, as just friends, went out to celebrate that he he had gotten into ASU for college. We went to the Olive Garden where we ordered two Black Tie Mousse cakes (the reason we later had this as our wedding cake), and although I can't recall the conversation we had, I remember sitting in that booth at the restaurant and can visualize exactly how he looked. I've grown out of the sweater I wore that night, but it sits in the first spot in my closet as a memory of the day the rest of my life started, and I honestly don't think I'll ever give it away.

A week later the gamer asked me out officially and next week on December 22nd we will celebrate our nine year anniversary. When we got engaged five years ago we couldn't afford engagement photos, so back in November on a beautiful fall day the gamer had a professional photographer take pictures of us as an early anniversary present. Sometimes he's sweet like that :) We have a million photos but here are some of my favorites. Enjoy.

















Photography Credit: Ryan Mason Photography (www.ryanmason.com)
who by the way is awesome and I am secretly in love with him :-P